I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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