Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
