Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
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I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
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Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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