I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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