I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
