Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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