I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
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For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
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I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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