so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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