New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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