we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
