I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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