Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
