I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
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I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
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Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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