At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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