WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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