i would punch a child for taco bell
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Dick very happy bro
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
