And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
