just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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