Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
