Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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