I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
