Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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