Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
