There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
