he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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