P.S. I can't hear my feet
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You're a waste of cheezeits
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
