How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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