My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
