Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
