look no pants
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
