arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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