i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
