I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize