Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
