was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
