forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
