No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
