well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
