the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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