why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
