when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Randomize
