Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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