In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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