Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
