You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
