Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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