You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
