people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
