take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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