the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
