I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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