belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
