I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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