I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
