Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
