just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
