Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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