fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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