like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
