marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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