Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I wish I only lived at night.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
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