Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
