what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
