i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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