someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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