Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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