don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
