I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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