in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I need a burrito and a hug.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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